EDecember 10, 2013
Instead of working out, I am sitting on the couch praying that I am not getting even sicker than I already am. I have continued to take antibiotics for an upper respiratory infection; nevertheless I have felt like “doo doo” all day. I even went home from work this afternoon to take a two hour nap, but to no avail. Sadly, one of the other competition winners is also sick. The weather has been so incredibly nasty these last few weeks and it has taken its toll on all of us. Hopefully race day will find us feeling 100% and ready to go! However, these last few days have been so discouraging, which has in turn, led me back to my comfort – CARBS. I slipped up a few days ago, but today I really overdid it. This then leads to more shame which could spiral out of control if I am not careful. I definitely don’t need a relapse of old unhealthy habits (overeating and refraining from exercise,) but being quarantined to the couch tonight is conjuring up some of those old urges and has me a bit worried. Coach Mark instructed me to take it easy tonight and rest, and in regards to training this week, to only complete half of what I normally do. Coach Mark said, “just get sweaty, and then stop.” Well, that shouldn’t be a problem, but the “Warrior Princess” in me wants to push further because race day is already this Saturday. In view of that, I’m going to be quite transparent. I NEVER want anyone to think that I am lazy, or that I am not giving 100%. It is one of my prime struggles in adulthood and probably the biggest insult one could ever dish out. I have issues with people who just sit around “hoping” for something to happen, but will NEVER do anything about it. Admittedly, those issues curtail from my own personal battles. I WAS that person for the greater part of my life. “I’m fat.” “I’m always working and never have any fun.” “I never get straight A’s.” “I don’t have a life.” ‘I shouldn’t be sitting the bench.” Complain, whine, grumble, but I never did a thing about it. I never got results because ONE: I didn’t believe I was worth fighting for, and TWO: I never gave 100%. The fear of “what if I did succeed” was almost more than I could bear, so I would give up right before the finish line every time, and have a big ole pity party. At least I would have some kind of a “party,” I sub-consciously noted, because I unquestionably had zero confidence that I would ever have a victory celebration. Heartbreaking, I know, except it is the truth. I wonder how many others out there can feel my pain. Fortunately, two years ago I discovered – the real me – “The Warrior Princess” who revealed herself during a life-changing experience called Transformation Challenge Physical Training (TCPT). This “warrior princess” came out of nowhere, and revealed that I was worth fighting for! Ever since that experience, I continue to go above and beyond in hopes of inspiring others who might be afraid of crossing that finish line. That’s why I did this race. I have dreams that I have yet to achieve, and until I decide that I am worth fighting for, they will never happen. I must have more experiences in life where I proudly cross the finish line. Considering I have more often than not given up precisely BEFORE the celebratory end of every race, I have a long way to go. Why don’t you sign up for HITS Austin, and plan to cross the finish line with me? Imagine the possibilities if you finally decided you were worth it!