November 18, 2013
I spoke with Coach Mark again today to reflect on this past week and to look forward to the next one. This past week was one of the most difficult weeks I have ever had emotionally. I have a food addiction. I love food, and more than that, I have had a love affair with overeating foods that aren’t good for me. I eat when I am happy and sad, however, religiously; I nurse the emptiness and sadness inside of me with food. However, being on the “no carb” diet has made it impossible for me to indulge in my favorite foods. No pie, no cake, no chocolate, no cookies, no potatoes, no french fries and absolutely – NO BREAD. Whether happy or sad, I can’t feed it with food. It has “forced” me into a new, uncomfortable pattern. I can’t go to those foods to “sooth” myself or “make myself feel better,” besides that is a blatant lie. Gorging myself on delicious foods is only quick fix, which isn’t a fix at all, but rather a habit that leads to deep depression and guilt. Overeating leads me to
repeat this cycle again and again (overeat, feel bad, feel guilty, eat more, gain weight, feel bad, overeat, etc.), adding on pounds and taking me on a voyage to diabetes, heart disease, and ultimately early death. This is not a path that I want to continue on, and winning this contest and having the opportunity to train and exercise regularly, work with Coach Mark, build relationship with the other contest winners, run this race and lose weight is absolutel
y one of the best things that has ever happened in my life. Over a month ago, I didn’t believe I could change my lifestyle. I was grieving the loss of an exercise experience that I was a part of that helped me lose 23 pounds. Once that exercise experience ended, I not only grieved its loss, but as fate would have it, I went through an extremely stressful, debilitating, and almost unbearable year of life. I found myself hating to get up and go to work in the morning, and was crying myself to sleep at night (if I even slept at all). The only thing that seemed to provide comfort was baking delicious desserts and trying fabulous new recipes…eat, eat, eat. And the 23 pounds I lost all came back and then some. I was also making every excuse I could to not exercise. Moreover, I had already signed up for the Chicago Olympic Distance Triathlon in August of 2013 and I in no shape nor was I prepared to do it. I almost talked myself out of it, but thankfully, by the grace of God, I com
pleted the race. In the months previous, I worked out with Instructor Chris Sturgis to get myself whipped back in shape and it was a rough road, with lots of tears, but I did it. I finished the Chicago Tri, and then signed up for a chance to run the HITS Dualthon in Austin, not knowing how it would change my whole life. So here we are, week 5 of training for the Dualthon and working with Coach Mark, and I hardly recognize myself. I now believe that I can and will continue this new lifestyle. I can make better choices for meals. I can find the time to workout at least one hour each day. I can do this on my own. I am worth it! My crutch was that I kept telling myself, I had to have a gym membership, I had to have a coach, I had to be instructed in a class and if I didn’t have those things, then I couldn’t do it. No! All of those things are great things, but I don’t HAVE to have them. All I need is SELF-CONTROL and SELF-DISCIPLINE, and most importantly of all, I need to LOVE MYSELF! A month ago, if I would have binged on a dozen cookies I would have given up right then. I would have stopped
working out and would have also driven myself to the grocery store, bought myself more cookies – two dozen thumb print cookies to be exact – and in tears, would have eaten them in the comfort of my office. However, I didn’t do that this week. I had a weak moment, and we will, but I got back up, I wiped myself off, I looked into the mirror and said, “Kristy, you are worth it.” And then I got back on my feet and ran. I ran in the right direction, with my head held high and finally with confidence in my heart! You can do the same. I pray that if you are in that place, if you are about to demolish an entire cake to melt away that pain, emptiness or sadness, STOP and about face! Look in the mirror, (do it – I know it is going to be hard because you don’t to see that reflection that looks back at you, but you are going to HAVE to do it.) Look into that mirror, say your name (Saying your name is super important here), __________ I am worth it. Because you are!
Ephesians 3:16-22 – And I pray that you…may have power…to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.